Why Must I Wait?

I find it very interesting how pregnancy can be such a taboo. Sure, people talk about it all the time, but that's only once the pregnancy has been announced. But for those of us who are waiting, trying, and waiting some more... Total taboo. I can understand why. It's awkward and uncomfortable from both sides of the fence, but I hate how hard it is when it's your side of the fence.
I am so thankful for a lady in our care group who was willing to bring up and share specifically about her struggles with pregnancy, and using that as a tool and a road to opening up our small group of women to the topic of pregnancy. There are two of us, out of six, who are trying for babies, myself included in those two. It was great as they focused on the two of us, asking and encouraging us as we go through this part of our lives. God is good and his timing is perfect, and there I wait. But it isn't that easy. And that's where I struggle.
I almost feel like I am at a stand-still when I think about my pregnancy struggle. I know what I know about God and his character, and I believe what I know about God and his will, but I still struggle with the "why now" and "why me." I feel like I'm one of those people who keep asking "why does God allow bad things to happen to good people" or "why would God fill-in-the-blank-here." I know those aren't the right questions to ask and they show my failure to see the true character of God. But as a Christian woman, I feel like so much of our identity is put into motherhood. But what if God doesn't give me children? Does that make me less of a woman? Ah, and I could go down that path forever. But I don't believe I will be barren. And there I see the grace and am thankful for the opportunity and chance I had at being pregnant 10 months ago. It is possible.
So follow my circular thinking and here we arrive again at "why?" Why do Chris and I have to wait while we see so many others around us getting pregnant while not trying, not caring, or not even wanting the gift of a child. Of course there is folly in that and I'm not dumb enough to fall into that trap too easily, but it does often cross my mind. But I cannot compare myself to others. So I move on to "what do I have to learn?" What is God trying to teach me here? What am I supposed to be getting out of this?
Looking over the past months I've seen many areas that I've grown in or been thankful for (like the chance of getting pregnant as I stated earlier). I see God's grace in his timing as we have been adjusting to Chris' new job, his schedules, his pay, and finally now having insurance. I am grateful for the time I've had, almost 4 years now, with Chris as we've been able to grow and learn and love each other more and more. And then... that is when the fear drops like a piano on Daffy Duck's head. The selfishness of my own time and the unknown. The fear of the distance that can grow between a husband and wife as they struggle through their life style and priorities when a child is introduced to the picture. What if I'm a terrible mother? What if I don't like being a mother? Do I really even want to be a mother? And there Satan attacks again, with the lack of trust in my God. But I know I will be a good mother, and of course I want to be a mother. God has given me those desires to be a mother.

Can you see where this circle is going?

So why am I not a mother yet? Why am I not pregnant? And the vicious cycle keeps moving and twisting into different shapes and different thoughts, but the subject remains the same. And sometimes when I feel this way, I just need a hug. Not a bible verse. Is that so wrong?